It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
