Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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