I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
