I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
