I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
