I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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