so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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