no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
