Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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