U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
