so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
