I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
