Cold hands, warm shart.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
