Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
