I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
