the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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