come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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