i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
