Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize