I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
