i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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