I cut my penus on the lid.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
