We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
