Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
