i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
