Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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