Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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