i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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