i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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