Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
