I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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