He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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