Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
