as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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