I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
