6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
