i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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