There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
