you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
