Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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