he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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