Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
