I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
