Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
