I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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