woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
