I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
