do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
