Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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