): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
