God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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