i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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