I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
sex in a hospital.. check
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
