I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
