Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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