When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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