Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My first STD was from a foam party
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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