where am i from again
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
