im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
