We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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