Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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