he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
