Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
