8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
