she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
