I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
