Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
