I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
