you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
