guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
