Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize