Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
