She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i will never coherently bang her
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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