there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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