Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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